Charles Bukowski once said “If you have the ability to love, love yourself first. Always be aware of the possibility of total defeat whether the reason for that defeat seems right or wrong. Failure is one thing no one in life can run away from. If you have never failed in life, then I can guarantee that you are going nowhere.

Everyone out their experience’s failure. The fact that someone is not experiencing failure in the sector you are, doesn’t mean the person has never failed. Life is full of segments, relationship with friends or beloved and marriage, career, moral life, spiritual life and other segments you can think of. It isn’t so likely to experience failure in all the segments; probability is just one.

Someway, somehow, we all have our shortcomings and that is what you need to understand. This is the main reason why you need not compare yourself to anyone because you may excel in an area where someone is struggling with and vice versa. The most important thing is what you do when you experience failure.

Come to think of it, we always do say that failure is not succeeding. I do have another definition of failure. What about looking at failure as not doing what is expected of you as well. I believe that an experience of failure can make one not try anything again and I call that total failure.

I will share an experience with you. I had a friend called Amina who was almost ten years older than me. I handled her as a big sister, not just a friend. She would come to me and share her problems relating to her relationship. I tried my best as a friend and a sister to advise her. As time went on, I met another great and wonderful friend, Joe, who was extremely good to me. He trusted me so much that he confided in me with a lot of information. I really did appreciate it, though the information had nothing to do with me personally.

 Interestingly, he was friends with the gentleman my friend was dating. It wasn’t a healthy relationship and needed to release her from the stress per her complaints. I did what I wasn’t supposed to do as a friend. I broke the trust but it was for a good reason. I advised her on the lines of information I had but she later found out about the source of information.

Weeks later, things blew out of proportion. I had no idea that she wasn’t matured enough to handle information, though she was older. Sometimes, we tend to be bad people in the process of over caring for others. She approached Joe, questioning him why he couldn’t come to her personally to let her know, rather than confiding in me. Joe, was really hurt and heartbroken. It was bad on my side because I failed as a friend, though it wasn’t with a bad intention. Amina, after some days, approached the gentleman she was dating in public, spilling out everything, angrily.

She confronted him, giving names of how she had the information just to prove herself right, selfishly. This gentleman is mad at Joe and Joe is mad at me. Does that mean my friendship failed with Joe so I will stay away from everyone? How long can I hold on to this? Must I hold on to this for the rest of my life? The most important thing is the lesson learnt. Lesson not to get emotional about people who share problems with me, care extremely about people more than my integrity and minding my business the most. I don’t know if Joe will ever realize that I had no intentions to hurt him and forgive me, all the same, it already happened.

Your story may differ from this. Yours may be in line with business, education, marriage or relationship etc. but all I encourage you to do is to know that you are not the only one facing that challenge of failure and you will not be the last. Like I said, take note of the lesson, pick yourself up and move on.


How long are you going to allow failure in an aspect of your life take hold of you and enslave you? There is more to life than failure. Is it basically about what others will say? If that is the case then you do have a very big problem because the truth is, that person, or the people you fear will talk about you, also have their own challenges and failures in life. The only thing that makes your dream impossible is fear of failure. Be bold and accept the fact that you once failed. It cost you nothing to accept that you failed.

The fact that you failed doesn’t make you a failure but the moment you allow it take hold of you makes you a failure. You may have been a failure for sometime now but you have a chance to come out of that. Wake up, get back to work. Forget about the number of times you failed.

You messed up, and so? I messed up too!




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